


Be My Forever

by dolphins



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Angst, Art, Dates, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I don't know how to tag this story, Implied/Referenced Violence, M/M, Mentions of Rick Macy, Painting, Poetry, Romance, Secret Letters, They are all alive
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-29
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-15 05:19:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2217201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dolphins/pseuds/dolphins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soft brown eyes flickered down to their owner's stark, white apron and a groan escaped the man's mouth. Tiny, rainbow droplets of paint dotted the fabric like the stars in the sky.</p><p>It brightened up the plain cloth, but the man didn't see it that way. He saw the pretty specks of colour as flaws on an otherwise perfect apron, their difference to the norm, a hindrance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am a little nervous about this one so please let me know what you think! :)
> 
> It is a AU where none of them have died and the Rising hasn't happened.

Soft brown eyes flickered down to their owner's stark, white apron and a groan escaped the man's mouth. Tiny, rainbow droplets of paint dotted the fabric like the stars in the sky.

It brightened up the plain cloth, but the man didn't see it that way. He saw the pretty specks of colour as flaws on an otherwise perfect apron, their difference to the norm, a hindrance.

Quickly, he dashed around his office, the large bay windows spurting golden light into his face, making those pretty eyes wince.

The entire room was littered with canvases, both of his and of other, famous, artists. It was a swirl of colours and patterns and unseeing faces but the man just wanted a clean apron.

Today seemed a day that absolutely, no clean aprons were available. Whatsoever.

The new exhibit would be opened in a mere hour. There was no way he was going to presentable by then. He could have all year and this particular man, would still not deem himself presentable.

The large wooden door swung open and he jumped. Who wouldn't bother to knock?

"Kieren!"

His hard expression softened at the sight of his assistant, Amy. The only person who would have the guts to call him Kieren, rather than Mr Walker.

She skipped across the room, her long dress swooshing back and forth, the intricate designs swaying in rhythm with her hips. Amy grinned, her lips painted a bright pink. Kieren couldn't help but smile at his friend all dolled up.

"Excited for the big day?" she bounded towards him, pulling him into a squeezing hug.

"Excited?" he mumbled with mirth into her shoulder. Damn, she smelt so good. "More like absolutely shittin' it,"

She pulled him away with a burst of laughter, "Kieren, you are a well established artist. Critics have said you would give da Vinci himself a run for his money, had he still have been with us. What on Earth do you have to be nervous about?"

He looked a little embarrassed at the praise, shrugging sheepishly, "These works are, you know, different. I don't know how well they will go over,"

She watched him fondly with glowing eyes and a smile, "I have seen them, and I am telling you they are brilliant,"

He rolled his eyes, dusting off the words like he would dust the pencil shavings off his desk in the morning, "I might not even get to open the damn thing, with the state of me,"

"Oh yeah," Amy spluttered sarcastically, "Handsome, stylish and artsy. Absolute mess you are,"

"Look at this," he pointed incredulously at his apron, "Look at it!"

Amy leaned closer and frowned, "It is only tiny, makes you look all creative and that,"

Kieren gave her a pointed look. A look Amy knew he used quite often so she gave him a little stick for it. But this time, she rolled her eyes.

Slipping hands around his waist and untying the apron so she could flip it around, tying it again.

"There. Sorted," she leaned back with a victorious grin.

Kieren was gaping as though he was about to suddenly protest as Amy's headset beeped.

"Uh huh, I'll tell him," she said into the microphone clamped into the head piece. Switching it off and turning to him, "Boss says get a move on, in so many words," she winked.

"Let's get this show on the road, handsome,"

 

Kieren was in the middle of arranging his pieces in the exact order he had decided days prior when the secretary tapped him timidly on the shoulder.

He glanced up at her expectantly and she blinked intimidated eyes, even being in the presence of someone so successful was frightening, before handing over a clump of letters.

"Thank you," he managed to utter but she was already heading down the corridor.

Turning away from his artwork, frustrated at a certain painting that refused to lean more to the right, Kieren stood back and began to tear open his handful of letters.

A few congratulations cards, a couple of letters, the odd bill, and yet another anonymous note.

Kieren had been receiving these notes contained inside envelopes for several weeks now. And it was becoming beyond frustrating. Sometimes they were little compliments, but other times they were snippets of poems.

He would be lying if he said it didn't intrigue him a little. Excite him a little. But he wasn't a romantic. He couldn't be, not anymore. So if this damn person thought he was so brilliant, why wouldn't they say all of this to him in person?

"A pity beyond all telling  
Is hid in the heart of love:   
The folk who are buying and selling;   
The clouds on their journey above;   
The cold wet winds ever blowing;   
And the shadowy hazel grove   
Where mouse-grey waters are flowing   
Threaten the head that I love."

__Kieren shook his head with the traces of a smile creeping onto his features. He didn't want to admit it, not even to himself, but these bizarre notes and extracts of poems were boosting his self-esteem a little._ _

__He especially didn't want to admit that he actually liked it. It made him feel, well, a little special._ _

__"Mr Walker," a deep voice pulled him from his moment of self-indulgence. His blinked up at the man in front of him. Flawless, dark skin, shining eyes behind glass spectacles, suit crisp and neat. Suddenly Kieren felt incredibly lacking._ _

__"Almost ready?" his boss raised an eyebrow and Kieren smiled bashfully, "Yes, yes, of course, sorry," he spluttered, flopping down the letters and returning to arranging his work, trying desperately to ignore the blush creeping across his cheeks._ _

__

__Standing in front of the crowd gathered, Kieren knew this was a big day for him, but still his eyes scanned the area for someone who looked like the writer of his notes._ _

__Staring at the faces and trying to analyse their facial expressions. He didn't have much time for it though, as his boss, owner of the gallery, introduced him to the crowd._ _

__"Like he needs introducing," the man quipped, coaxing laughter from the surrounding crowd._ _

__"Do the honours," the man nodded towards Kieren and suddenly his heart lurched. He was overcome with panic as he stared at the curtained area, covering his artwork._ _

__Every flaw in the work, arose in his mind; sending it racing. It wasn't good enough. He wasn't good enough._ _

__He lifted a shaky hand to the curtain and watched the crowd with terrified eyes. The entire room seemed to be holding their breath._ _

__A flash of words came into his mind. Compliments. Praise. Poems._ _

__He stared out at the crowd and Amy gave him an encouraging smile._ _

__With a sudden, deep breath, trembling hands gripped the red silk with a certain ferocity and he ripped it away from his creations._ _

__The crowd stood fixated; stunned. Although silent. A painfully long silence, that seemed to crush a tiny part of Kieren's soul. They hated it. They hated him. They-_ _

__They all burst in a serenade of applause, gasps, cheers. Everyone grinning with awe and amazment._ _

__Kieren took a step back holding the arm of his boss for stability. He knew that if he didn't have something to hold onto, he would crumble from the sheer peace that enveloped him._ _

__

__"I told you," Amy poked him in the chest, slurring slightly. Someone has had one too many glasses of champagne, "I told you!"_ _

__Kieren laughed, brushing her finger off his chest, "We haven't seen the reviews yet," he remarked, taking a tiny sip of his glass, "They could be terrible,"_ _

__They were stood in a large room of the gallery, the large cluster of people celebrating the opening of the exhibit._ _

__Champagne was cracked open and glasses clinked. Elegant dresses swooshed around, perfectly tailoured suits waltzed. Food was served with fancy names Kieren had never even heard, and all in all, despite being a remarkably successful artist, he could still not get used to the glitz of it all._ _

__"Stop being such a pessi- pessim-" Amy slurred slightly, struggling with the word, she shrugged and gave up, slapping him on the arm with a giggle, "The great Walker strikes again!"_ _

__He laughed, regarding her state with curious eyes. "You made that entire gallery swoon," she continued, wrapping her arm around his neck and pulling him closer, "Oh god, your little face before you opened it!"_ _

__Kieren shook his head with a chuckle, ducking to hide the sudden blushing._ _

__"Oh look!" Amy squealed, "Is that Phillip by the cocktails?" she spun Kieren around and begun to squint at the crowd to decipher the man._ _

__"It is!" her eyes lit up and she planted a sudden, wet kiss on Kieren's cheek, "I must go have a closer look at that sexy face of his," she purred._ _

__"Now don't you be sloping off to a quiet corner," she warned him, with a playful eyebrow raise, "Go and have some fun. Mingle. Breed with your own kind," she winked, before stumbling, slightly tipsily towards an unsuspecting Phillip._ _

__Kieren watched her leave with a tender smile. Before turning back to the party, watching the swarm of people and wondering if Amy would notice if he did go and find a quiet corner._ _

__But he may as well humour her until she was completely drunk, which couldn't be too long now judging by the new glass planted in her hand. Kieren eyed up the large row of snack tables, people idly drifting back and forth towards it and others standing in groups nearby it, chatting and drinking._ _

__Kieren picked up a plate and filled it with different foods. Opening an exhibit had certainly given him an apetite. He moved to spoon a couple of chocolate-looking dessert things onto his plate. (The huge selection was such a contrast to what he had been used to growing up in Roarton). When a shoulder bumped his._ _

__He spun around, ready to face his culprit. But there was nobody there. The person must have already left._ _

__Kieren would have wondered why someone had bumped his shoulder, when there was obviously quite a lot of room all around him. But he had spotted the chocolate fountain and quickly forgot it._ _

__

__Party abandoned for now, the music ringing in Kieren's ears, he made his way upstairs to collect his keys and wallet and such, to make his way home._ _

__Darkness filled the room as he opened the door, but he didn't bother switching on a light; the traffic passing below the large windows would give him enough light to find his belongings._ _

__Fumbling around, his hand touched the silky feeling of an envelope. His heart jumped. Could it be?_ _

__A chill trickled down his spine as he fumbled to open the envelope and he moved closer to the windows to obtain enough light to read the delicate scratches of the ink._ _

__Slightly tilted, swirled writing, rounded, small letters. Kieren knew handwriting often bespoke of its owner's personality. He recognised it to be the mystery note writer._ _

__"I have come to believe that you are a fallen angel," Kieren whispered aloud as he read, "Pure and beautiful. You have shown that today in your exhibit. An angel's touch indeed,"_ _

__Kieren read it over and over again until his head was spinning. His heart warming. Spooked chills invading his spine._ _

__This person was infatuated._ _

__

__Kieren practically threw himself into the spongy, welcoming bed, revelling in his pillow's familiarity and scent; such a contrast to the splatter of difference his day had been._ _

__Barely bothering to throw off his shoes, he wriggled under the duvet and throw. It was starting to get chilly these nights, as the seasons headed deeper into Winter._ _

__A yawn escaped his throat and he snuggled further in, unconsciousness seducing him into her web._ _

__When the sunlight trickling into slots between the blinds, Kieren's heavy eyelids fluttered in exhaustion._ _

__While his head drifted away from its dream. Images of new mysterious notes and poetry fizzling away behind the folds of his mind._ _

__

__"Milk, one sugar," Amy placed the tea down on his desk with an unceremonious clatter. One hand rubbing her temple, nursing her hangover._ _

__Kieren looked up from the canvas in front of him, two paintbrushes of different widths held between his teeth and another in his hand, caressing the canvas with paint._ _

__"Hangover?" he mumbled through the brushes and raised a sly eyebrow._ _

__Amy simply groaned her reply, flopping down onto the swirly chair beside Kieren and logging into his computer._ _

__"Paracetemol in the first drawer," he said, eyes focused on the brush strokes with the intensity of an eagle on prey._ _

__Amy smiled her thanks and scrambled around in the drawer, finding the packet, taking two, before swallowing them down with water. Returning to her job and checking his emails._ _

__It wasn't usual for an artist to have an office at the gallery, but Kieren was well respected and hardworking. Meaning they had plenty for him to do._ _

__"Hm, the deadline for that album cover is coming up in a few weeks," Amy informed him as she scrolled._ _

__"I know," Kieren swapped paintbrushes, the messy one leaving trails of dark blue paint on his chin, "I have a few ideas,"_ _

__"Best get cracking, Picasso," she gave him a wink, despite the fact that the bags under her eyes seemed like they were dragging her face. Kieren was once again enightened as to why he avoided drinking alcohol._ _

__"Boss wants you at the Range Hotel for a modern day artist convention tomorrow evening," she told him with a hint of mirth._ _

__He groaned and closed his eyes, taking in an exasperated breath. In other words it meant spending an evening surrounded by mostly pretentious folk getting tipsy on wine and casually informing Kieren that he was becoming overrated._ _

__(How fun?)_ _

__"It says you can bring a plus one," Amy said with a slight grin._ _

__"I'm sorry I'll have to put you through the torture Amy, but will you come with me?" he turned to look at her, taking the paintbrushes out of his mouth._ _

__"Handsome men, posh food, I suppose I could suffer through it for you," she teased._ _

__

__Kieren fidgeted in his pressed suit and Amy slapped his hands away from his collar. His copper hair was combed and sitting unusually tidy on his head. Amy's hair was curled to perfection, delicate brown ringlets sprawled around her bare shoulders, a long red dress fitting neatly against her figure._ _

__They were quite the stunners tonight._ _

__Entering the room, the loud laughter and chatting was almost as loud as the music. Bright, blazing lights flashed throughout the huge room, illuminating the bodies in an array of different colours._ _

__For the next hour, Kieren got his ears practically talked off._ _

__"Passion, that is what you need to hold onto for dear life,"_ _

__"Forget what anyone says, it is natural talent, what's in your soul,"_ _

__"It's about skill and precision, measuring everything. It has to be perfect,"_ _

__His head was spinning with the various helpings of contrasting advice. As Kieren was young, the older artists seemed to see this as an open window to bombard him with tips._ _

__Not that he wasn't grateful or anything, but he felt they did it to show that they were more experienced; that they had an advantage over him. They couldn't seem to understand that, yes, he was young, but he did know what he was doing and he had formed his own style._ _

__Amy had her arm hooked into his, smiling politely and cracking jokes, while both of them silently wishing they were not there._ _

__"I thought she was going to talk forever," Amy muttered into his ear as the walked through the crowd._ _

__"She probably would have if Gabrielle hadn't have called her over,"_ _

__Amy shook her head in disbelief, "These people Kieren, they are- they are so different to you,"_ _

__Kieren turned to face her, while that was a compliment, he smiled sadly, "I am used to not fitting in Amy,"_ _

__She met his sparkly eyes with a mischeivious smile and a quirk of an eyebrow, "I wouldn't imagine you'd wanna fit in with these folk,"_ _

__Kieren laughed, "This will be me in few years, you'll see. Bitchy and cynical. Not to mention incredibly conceited,"_ _

__Amy barely held back her splutter of laughter, "The dead will rise from their graves before you become conceited," she teased, "As for the bitchy part, aren't you already bitchy?"_ _

__He gave her a look and rolled his eyes._ _

__A shoulder suddenly collided with Amy's and an envelope dropped onto her feet._ _

__"Hey, you dropped something!" she spun around to call but whoever it was had already become swallowed by the crowd._ _

__Amy shrugged and picked up the envelope. Kieren's heart was already firmly in his throat and the feeling only worsened when Amy spun it around to see a neatly sprawled 'K' on the opening._ _

__Amy's hazel eyes widened and they darted back and forth between Kieren and the envelope._ _

__Immediately Amy dragged him to sit on one of the dark blue, velvet sofas which were dotted throughout the large room._ _

__"Do you think its for you?"_ _

__Kieren swallowed hard. His chin trembling a little making his teeth chatter. It had to be for him. Which meant this person was in the room with him. He couldn't help feeling both intrigued and freaked out._ _

__"Yeah," he simply croaked, taking it from her with a slightly shaky hand._ _

__He slipped it into the inside pocket and Amy stared at him, flabbergasted. "Aren't you going to open it?"_ _

__Kieren responded with a nervous, dismissive laugh, "It's probably just another threatening letter from Mc' Farrow for "robbing" him of his award in last year's John Moore Painting Prize,"_ _

__Amy regarded him with a watchful eye, saying nothing but Kieren knew she could see right through him._ _

__"I'm just gonna-" he waved towards the toliets awkwardly before making his way there._ _

__The bright yellow lights surrounding the mirror made his skin appear even paler in his slight panic._ _

__He fumbled for the letter in his pocket with a trembling hand. He couldn't understand why he was so afraid all of a sudden._ _

__Maybe it was the fact that the person was in the same room as him?_ _

__He didn't know, but he was anxious to find out._ _

__"These people here," he read quietly to himself, "Are not artists when they don't know a masterpiece like you when they see one,"_ _

__Kieren felt his cheeks heat up. It was cheesy, and corny, but fuck did he want to find this person._ _

__He looked back up into the mirror and his pale complexion was replaced by bright red cheeks. He could have groaned and blushed even more at the sight. Splashing cold water on his face didn't help so he exited hoping in the dim light and multicolour strobes of the other room, it wouldn't be so visible._ _

__When he returned Amy had a glass of wine in hand and was making conversation with a handsome blonde man, Kieren didn't recognise._ _

__For a minute he debated whether to leave her be to have a little flirt, or to join her and act as wingman. He chose the latter._ _

__"Ah yes, this is my boyfriend Kieren," she grinned falsely, pulling him by the arm to stand closer, "Isn't that right?"_ _

__Kieren stared around, totally confused, but he played along, "Oh yeah, yeah, of course," he stuttered._ _

__The man blinked back and forth between the two best friends, before excusing himself._ _

__Amy sank into a chair, "Phew," she sighed with relief and Kieren shot her a quizzical look._ _

__"Who's he?" Kieren raised an eyebrow. Surprised that Amy had turned down obvious flirtation by an, well let's face it, incredibly hot guy._ _

__"His sister's one of the artists, he is her plus one," she watched him as he left, "But damn is he cute,"_ _

__Kieren gave her that look. That look that said so many words that didn't need to be said._ _

__"Well," she divulged, grinning cheekily, "I may have my eyes set on another,"_ _

__"Phillip!" Kieren immediately blurted._ _

__It was obvious by Amy's face, but she tightened her lips and placed a finger against them. Kieren simply marvelled the way her eyes glittered with mischief._ _

__"I'm sworn to secrecy," she taunted._ _

__

__It had all been such a blur for Kieren. One day he had been sitting in his office, picking up a phonecall from his boss, the next, he was sitting on a rigid chair near the platform, while one of his paintings was being auctioned off for charity._ _

__The red velvet curtains hung behind where his artwork was placed, next to a little man on a podium, rattling off numbers._ _

__Kieren's entire mind was a blur and he could almost hear the blood rushing in his ears. He was dripping with the adrenaline. This was his painting. These people were actually bidding with real money for his artwork. He couldn't quite believe it._ _

__When the numbers hit in the hundreds, Kieren's nails were gripping the chair._ _

__When the numbers hit the thousands, Kieren thought he was going to pass out._ _

__But that was until it hit hit the tens of thousands, and one bidder was just not backing down._ _

__Thoughts didn't form in his mind. He was too absorbed in the basic physical reactions to even think._ _

__"One-hundred thousand," the stubborn bidder called, raising a hand._ _

__The entire room fell silent. While Kieren's heart spoke up and pounded out of his chest._ _

__"Going once?" the auctioneer called, his voice rolling around in waves across the room._ _

__Kieren held his breath._ _

__"Going twice?"_ _

__His nerves seemed to be tingling and he was certain he was leaving deep nail marks in the chair._ _

__"Sold!" the gavel hammered down onto the piece of wood, "-To the man at the back,"_ _

__Kieren wanted to see him but despite how much he craned his neck, he couldn't see the man who had paid an extravagant amount of money for his piece._ _

__Everyone was clapping. Someone patted him on the back. He needed to breathe, everything was just so surreal._ _

__"Congratulations Mr Walker," the auctioneer came up to him moments later as he was trying to let it sink in, "The money your painting raised will be going to a very good cause,"_ _

__"I-" Kieren managed to choke out, but whatever he was going to say dissolved as his brain continued to be mush._ _

__"You should be very proud of yourself," he gave his hand a firm handshake, Kieren shook it weakly back, his entire demenour stunned._ _

__"Are you okay?" he laughed and Kieren gave a stupefied nod causing the man to laugh heartily. "Well in that case, why don't you come and meet your winning bidder?"_ _

__"What?" Kieren felt his heart lurch and his stomach flip over seventeen times._ _

__The little man smiled and his mustache wiggled, "Come on," he took Kieren's unwilling arm and pulled him across the elegant carpet._ _

__He wanted to meet the wonderful person who had actually wanted to purchase his artwork but at the same time he was freaking nervous._ _

__As they came to a halt, the auctioneer tapped a dark figure on the arm, causing the man to slowly turn._ _

__Kieren's eyes widened as he gazed upon the mysterious stranger standing before him._ _

__He was a little taller than Kieren, with a head of thick dark hair. Pale complexion but upon looking at Kieren his cheeks grew the slightest bit pink. Even his clothing was intriguing, a dark navy suit which seemed to make his eyes stand out._ _

__"This is Mr Monroe," the man introduced him, "Owner of your painting,"_ _

__He stood forward, "Simon," he corrected with a warm smile that surprised Kieren, "It's nice to meet you," he thrust out a hand which Kieren immediately took._ _

__For a second Kieren forgot to shake and he coud have kicked himself. He was just busy feeling startled by how soft Simon's hand was._ _

__"Thank you," he managed to stutter, "For, you know," he chuckled nervously, "That,"_ _

__Simon seemed to watch him with equal fascination. Kieren couldn't understand what he could be fascinated with at all. There was nothing to him. Simon was probably regarding him with disgust._ _

__"It's a masterpiece," Simon shrugged honestly, "Plus the money goes to a good cause. It's a win-win situation,"_ _

__Kieren felt a smile tickle at his lips._ _

__"I'm Kieren," he said with a sheepish expression._ _

__"Oh I know who you are," the mysterious Simon laughed, "You're a famous artist,"_ _

__Kieren spluttered with laughter and practically scoffed. He didn't even notice that the auctioneer had left. "I'm not famous,"_ _

__Simon raised his eyebrows with a slightly sly smile, "You don't have to be so modest. I know all about your success,"_ _

__"-I am quite a fan,"_ _

__Heat rushed to Kieren's cheeks and he wanted to curl up and hide as he could tell the blush was becoming evident. He was only becoming embarrassed at the unabashed praise, that's what he told himself anyway._ _

__After shifting his weight between his feet and clearing his throat a few times, he managed to look up._ _

__"Well, thanks," he smiled shyly at Simon's tie. He felt much too awkward to meet his eyes._ _

__"It will be quite an honour to own one of the great Walker paintings," he was truly honest when he said it but with a hint of pleasant surprise Kieren noticed a sprinkle of teasing in his tone._ _

__"Oh yeah?" Kieren raised his eyebrow, "I bet you'll chuck it out on the drive back home," he laughed playfully._ _

__Simon feigned shock, "You think I'd do such a thing?" before leaning a little closer and smiling that half-smirk, "Nah, this one is going right on my bedroom wall,"_ _

__A chuffed grin tried to make its way onto Kieren's face but he tried to hide it as best he could, "You're lying," he laughed down at his feet._ _

__Simon leaned back against the table with a shrug and grin, "Believe what you want. It's true though,"_ _

__Kieren laughed and it felt good. Meeting someone who actually didn't annoy the crap out of him at these events was a miracle. He couldn't help but feel a bit elated._ _

__"You know if that money wasn't going to charity, I would feel so guilty right now," he admitted._ _

__Simon raised his eyebrows, again. A trait Kieren found quirky. "Why?"_ _

__"It's a shitload of money. I didn't think anyone would buy it at all," he divulged, "If I'm being honest I'd say you've lost your mind,"_ _

__Simon seemed to absorb his words for a moment, letting them sink in. "If this is what losing my mind is like, I don't think I want to find it,"_ _

__Kieren laughed again and this time he let his eyes meet Simon's._ _

__An unfamiliar feeling settled in his chest and he couldn't quite pinpoint what it was. His eyes never left the taller man's and between the two, there was silence for a moment. The chatter surrounding them was a dull murmur._ _

__"Mr Monroe?" a female voice tugged them out of their stupor. Simon slowly turned to face a lady in a suit, waving him over from a short distance._ _

__"I best go sort the paperwork and all that," he said almost hesistantly, like he didn't want to leave or something. "Goodbye Kieren,"_ _

__Kieren watched him with glowing brown eyes. A light seeming to ignite from behind them. "See you Simon," he said, his tone soft._ _

__And just like that, Simon was out of his life.__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to hear from you guys!  
> Any thoughts? Tips? Critiques? x
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read it!


	2. Chapter 2

That evening, Kieren found himself thinking about Simon. Wondering if he had indeed hung his painting up on his bedroom wall.

Staring into his cup of his tea as he stirred, he thought about whether he would ever even see Simon again and was overcome with a distant sense of loss.

He shook it off. He could meet other people and make friends. This wasn't a big deal. There would be tons of other Simons.

Moving towards the bedroom in his flat, another envelope fell from his pocket as he unbuttoned his tux jacket.

Barely managing to hide his surprise, he grabbed it, ripping the smooth red paper open and scrambling for that familiar note.

Questions rushed through his mind and he ignored them for now as he folded the paper open.

Written neatly in thin blue ink, was simply the word, _'Incredible'. _Kieren's heart warmed. This person must have slipped it in his jacket when he had abandoned it at his chair.__

__Why were they going to such lengths to make him feel good?_ _

__Why bother?_ _

__He shook his head. Perhaps he would never understand._ _

__

__"Come on," Amy droned, yanking at his sleeve, "Let's go for hot chocolate after work,"_ _

__"I really need to sort the paperwork for this new exhibit," he hesitated, but only slightly. Truth was, leaving it behind to get hot chocolate with Amy sounded like a much better idea._ _

__She rolled pretty brown eyes, "We both know you don't want to do that,"_ _

__As much as he tried, he couldn't help the smile creeping onto his lips. She yanked him off the chair by the wrist, "Come on!"_ _

__

__It was only seven in the evening but the sky was already dark as it was the beginning of Winter._ _

__Kieren shivered under his heavy coat as tiny chills tickled their way down his spine._ _

__The lights and signs of the tall buildings they passed made the slick, wet street seem  illuminated. It felt like that, and the frosty air he was sucking into his lungs, merged together to provide inspiration for a new painting._ _

__He felt the itch in his fingertips to paint but he held it back until he and Amy ducked into a decent sized coffee shop. While Amy went up to order, he sat at a booth with cozy brown sofas and took out his sketch book._ _

__Totally engrossed in his drawing, Kieren didn't notice the shadow looming over him. That is, until he felt a hand on his shoulder._ _

__His entire body jumped and he spun around to face the person kneeling on the booth behind him._ _

__Panic trickled away and his features softened._ _

__"Simon," he uttered softly. A great tsunami of relief whirred and crashed within him, destroying that inkling at the back of his mind for all these weeks that he would never see Simon again._ _

__The man smiled back, his eyes almost glowing with warmth, "I knew it was you,"_ _

__"What were you going to do if it wasn't?" Kieren found himself teasing, without even realising it._ _

__"Um," he hummed in that deep voice, "Probably die of embarrassment," they both laughed._ _

__"It's nice to see you again," Kieren said, and instantly he could have cringed. Why wasn't he thinking before speaking?_ _

__Simon nodded, "You too," he looked down a little shyly. Like he wasn't quite sure what to do. Whether or not to sit beside Kieren in his booth or turn back into his own._ _

__Kieren sensed this, "Come and sit beside me. My friend Amy is just getting our order,"_ _

__If Kieren wasn't watching his face closely, he would have missed the quick, lightening flash of relief that flickered across Simon's face._ _

__"Okay," he gathered up his things and slid into the booth beside him. Barely swallowing down a laugh, Kieren noticed he was wearing very different attire from the first time they had met._ _

__Instead of the flashy suit, he was wearing a coat a few sizes too big and kind of a geeky looking woollen jumper._ _

__Simon placed his own cup onto the table and scrambled to put a book into his messager bag, with a little difficulty though as the zipper had stuck._ _

__Something hit a nerve in Kieren as his eyes flickered to the cover._ _

__"Poetry?" he said gently._ _

__Something crossed between shock and fear._ _

__"Yeah," he said, fidgeting with the frayed corner of the large book._ _

__"Yeats?" Kieren smiled, despite the burning hot realisation in his chest, spurting and spluttering through his veins._ _

__"My favourite," he admitted with a hint of a smile, still a protective hand around the book._ _

__Amy flopped down into the opposite booth making them both start, "Oh hello there," she beamed at Simon, "I'm Amy," she held out a hand after wiping away the whipped cream on her palm._ _

__"Simon," the man himself said, smiling at her exuberant brightness that he was already becoming rapidly aware of._ _

__Amy proceeded to rant about one of the baristas that had served her, totally trying to chat her up, because asking did she want extra sprinkles was just completely flirtatious, and she had her heart belonging to Phillip now._ _

__Kieren nodded along as he sketched and added his occasional sarcastic comment, or general question as Amy talked, and talked, and talked._ _

__And Simon found himself becoming engrossed in their personalities, entangling himself in their auras, and he wondered if he would be accepted into their group. If he was even good enough for their friendship._ _

__Amy whipped out her laptop, claiming that she couldn't let the promise of free Wi-Fi go to waste, and as her chattering stopped, a comfortable silence fell upon the three._ _

__Kieren sketching, Amy surfing the web, and Simon, behind probably the cutest pair of glasses ever, reading._ _

__"What's that you're reading?" Amy said as she pushed her laptop aside, (it buffering, as usual) and popping an entire mini muffin into her mouth._ _

__"Just some poetry," Simon looked up a little startled at the silence being broken._ _

__"Oh yeah!?" Amy's eyes lit up and with a little difficulty, she swallowed the mouthfull of chocolate muffin._ _

__"Our Kieren here was been getting these notes with poems written on them," Amy said slyly as she leaned closer to Simon with a wink._ _

__"Amy!" Kieren's head shot up, flabbergasted, "How the hell-"_ _

__"Oh did you really think I wouldn't look?" she waved a hand flippantly, "I was worried Kieren Walker, if you were getting terrorising letters I would want to know who the dickhead was,"_ _

__Kieren stared at her incredulously, mouth agape._ _

__Ignoring him, she continued, "They are the cutest things Simon, they're all-" noticing Kieren's almost completely red face, she pinched his cheek, "Aww, get you,"_ _

__That was before she saw Simon's face in a similarly embarrassed state and the realisation washed over her as it had Kieren._ _

__"Oh,"_ _

__Kieren and Simon stared at each other with slightly enlarged eyes._ _

__"I'll-" Amy fumbled with her bag and laptop, "I'll be off then, leave you two to have a chat," she wiggled her eyebrows before heading out the door before either could protest._ _

__"I can explain-" Simon croaked, raising both of his hands in innocence._ _

__"So it is you?" Kieren's eyes never left Simon's._ _

__Part of him was just shocked. Completely and utterly shocked. Why would this man- this quite clearly handsome, charming man, be bothered to spend the time sending him little letters. Like a crushing teenager._ _

__Kieren's face flushed at the idea. He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. "Why?" he managed to choke out._ _

__Simon's eyes seemed to find fascination in everything but him. His fingers drumming erratically and nervously on his thighs._ _

__"Well, I-" his eyes darted around the different pictures on the wall before stopping on Kieren, and just like that, he found his words._ _

__"I really like you," he uttered quietly, his gaze moving to Kieren's chest, "I know I have dealt with it in a- a strange way. But I think you are great and if there is any chance that you might even...consider...you know, liking me,"_ _

__Kieren's confused eyebrows softened and he reached over and placed a tentative hand on Simon's._ _

__"I don't know you Simon,"_ _

__Simon nodded, like he had been patiently awaiting rejection. But still that little "kicked puppy" look was still on his face._ _

__"And to be honest, you don't really know me either," he smiled gently, his brown eyes soft._ _

__Simon shook his head, "It doesn't matter. I just have a feeling. I can tell, deep down, I know I like you,"_ _

__Kieren felt his cheeks warm. Nobody had openly said anything like this to him before. Fuck, nobody had ever 'closedly' said anything like this to him either._ _

__"I might hate your favourite band, or TV show. I might even hate Yeats for all you know," Kieren posed lightly, a playful smile dancing on his lips._ _

__"I would still like you Kieren," he smiled at his hands, his voice honest and his eyes genuine._ _

__Kieren didn't know what to say. But there was one thing playing on his mind._ _

__"Why didn't you just come and talk to me?" he asked, "I wouldn't bite,"_ _

__Simon shook his head, silently revelling in the feeling of Kieren's delicate hand on his own. "I couldn't. You're-" he looked down, "You're too good for me. I just wanted to make you feel good and realise how special you are. I never intended for you to find out,"_ _

__Kieren's eyes were wide with shock as he struggled to take the words in. He tried to swallow the lump down but his mouth was dry._ _

__"Is that why you bought the painting?" he struggled to blurt out, "Because you feel like this?"_ _

__Simon looked startled, "What?" his eyes were wide, "No, of course not," he spat out, "I purchased that because I wanted to. You are an incredibly talented artist, Kieren. Your artwork opened my eyes in ways I didn't know was possible,"_ _

__Kieren cleared his throat once more, his stunned eyes fixed on Simon. He knew for reasons unknown, that Simon idolized him. The thought was shocking, but it was true nonetheless._ _

__But despite that, there was just something about him. Kieren hoped wanting to spend more time with him didn't make him self-serving._ _

__"I'm a real dick when you get to know me," Kieren shrugged off his praise with a bit of a smile._ _

__"Why don't you stick around and find out?"_ _

__"You want me to think of you in that way?" Simon raised his eyebrows innocently. He was a bit like a lost sheep sometimes._ _

__Kieren laughed, "I want us to get to know each other, you know, properly,"_ _

__Simon's eyes widened. "Really? You aren't angry with me?"_ _

__Something in his reaction made Kieren's heart break. Like he didn't think he was good enough for anything or anyone._ _

__"Of course, I want us to meet again," Kieren gave him a warm smile._ _

__He fumbled for a piece of paper in his sketchbook and tore it out, scribbling down his number with the pencil on the table and handing the page to Simon._ _

__"This is my phone number," he explained._ _

__"Don't you want mine?" Simon reached for the pencil but Kieren slapped his hand away._ _

__"No," Kieren said with a smile, "I want you to call me whenever you want. It's up to you when we meet again,"_ _

__Not fully aware of it, he was putting Simon in control. He didn't want Simon to be waiting for a phonecall from him, but instead doing the calling._ _

__Simon seemed to take this with a bit of hesitation but he nodded nonetheless._ _

__"Okay then...well, I'll call you?" he said a little unsurely._ _

__Kieren grinned, "Yeah, hopefully you will," he teased._ _

__Simon's eyes lit up behind his little reading glasses and he smiled back._ _

__"Wow, is that the time?" Kieren glanced at his watch in shock, turning his wrist to show Simon, "Geez, I had better get home,"_ _

__"I'll walk you out," Simon proposed and they both gathered their stuff up and timidly made their way out into the street._ _

__Simon stopped when they reached the corner of the street, where his direction and Kieren's changed. They stood facing each other for a moment._ _

__It was dark but the neon lights reflected in their pupils and snowflakes clung to their eyelashes, their clothes becoming steadily dotted with wet patches as snow fell down upon them._ _

__"So I'll see you soon?" Kieren smiled at him._ _

__Simon nodded, wiping the drops of snow from his face only to have them replaced seconds later._ _

__"See you soon,"_ _

__

__"So let me get this straight," Amy grinned, sprawled across Kieren's sofa in his flat as he made them a morning coffee before work, "This completely goregous guy is the person sending you these letters?"_ _

__"Yep," Kieren placed two cups on the counter, facing away from her to hide his secretive smile._ _

__"-And you aren't jumping straight in?" she cried._ _

__"Amy I want to get to know him," he scoffed, rolling his eyes, "He might feel differently once he gets to know me," he spooned the sugar into the cups and frowned a little at the thought._ _

__"Typical Kieren," she rolled her eyes, "Anyway, what do you think of him? Completely unconditional, undying love or what?"_ _

__"I have only met him, Amy!" he cried with a bit of incredulousness, "For god's sake, not all of us believe in this love at first sight crap,"_ _

__Amy chucked a cushion at his back, almost making him spill the boiling water as he poured._ _

__"You're a right ol' romantic bugger, aren't you Kieren Walker?" she teased sarcastically._ _

__"Maybe you would be better off with him," he shot back._ _

__"Oh I would," Amy cackled, "You know, if it wasn't for my Phillip,"_ _

__Kieren rolled his eyes. Sometimes he was tempted to play matchmaker between the two. Anything was better than them, so obviously mad about each other, completely ignoring it._ _

__"Ask him out, for the love of god," Kieren droned as he handed her a cup, "Why pull a Simon? Just go for it,"_ _

__She watched him for a moment, taking a long sip on her cup while she thought._ _

__"You know what, I just might,"_ _

__

__Kieren didn't think he would feel this damn anxious about receiving Simon's call, but he did. He felt really nervous._ _

__Trying to distract himself from looking at his phone every five seconds was becoming an impossible challenge. He tried actually doing the paperwork that he should be doing, but that only made him even more nervous._ _

__A tiny part of him regretted not taking Simon's number. That way he would have a safety net if Simon didn't call._ _

__What if Simon called during one of his phone interviews later and he got sent to the lonely confines of voicemail?_ _

__What if Simon lost his phone number?_ _

__He shook those thoughts away and bit hard on his lip. (Ridiculous, innit?)_ _

__Quickly he stood up, he needed to get out of this office before he went mad. Making sure to take his mobile, he made his way to the vending machine he knew was located on this floor._ _

__He drummed his fingers on the glass as he jingled his coins back and forth with the other hand. AB or AC? He scratched his chin._ _

__Amy appeared from flippin' nowhere as usual and leaned into his view, a bright grin on her face._ _

__"Skittles or a Dairy Milk," he quizzed her, frowning with the sheer weight of his difficult decision._ _

__"Oh it's good to know that while I have been spilling my heart out, you have been homing in on the real struggles of life," she rolled her eyes, "Besides, aren't you loaded? Buy both,"_ _

__"Loaded?" his eyes flew up in surprise, "Amy, why does everyone assume I'm rich?"_ _

__"Uh you're one of the most successful artists of the decade, dumb-dumb," she tapped the side of his head._ _

__"I'm not rich," he rolled his eyes, "Everyone seems to forget I'm under a contract and most of the profits goes to the gallery,"_ _

__"Riveting stuff really, Walker," she droned, "Get the chocolate,"_ _

__"I think I agree with you," he nodded, sliding the coins in and pressing the buttons, "So what's this about you spilling your heart?"_ _

__"-Tell Phillip you liked his tie again?"_ _

__"Piss off you cheeky bugger," she laughed, "Just for your information, I asked him on a date," she puffed out her chest proudly and placed her hands on her hips._ _

__"Seriously!?" Kieren exclaimed with a giggle as he leaned down to collect his purchase, unwrapping his bar and taking a piece._ _

__"Yup!" she beamed, "A real proper date. He even agreed and everything,"_ _

__"Congrats," he grinned. Genuinely feeling pleased for his friend, although feeling less pleased as she took a sneaky bite out of his bar._ _

__"I kinda wish I had've pulled a Simon now," she mused, "That was dead romantic,"_ _

__He looked unamused, "I would have much rather he would've just spat it out,"_ _

__"Even you couldn't be that cynical, Kieren Walker," she teased, "-And how is Mr Romeo today?"_ _

__"-Any calls? Or does he prefer to send a messager pigeon,"_ _

__"Piss off," he laughed, but unconsciously felt for the phone in his jeans pocket. (Still unringing). He desperately hoped Simon wasn't doing the whole "wait three days" thing. He didn't think he could survive three days of this agonsing waiting._ _

__"No call then?"_ _

__Kieren shook his head and grumbled, "No,"_ _

__"Hang in there," she smiled, "He'll call,"_ _

__His prayers were answered finally as halfway into his office upon returning, his phone buzzed and the ringtone sounded in the large room._ _

__Smiling at the unfamiliar number, he pressed answer and listened for that voice._ _

__The soft, deep tones of Simon spoke through the speaker and relief soothed his body, although a new set of nerves splashed up._ _

__"Hello?"_ _

__"Kieren, it's me, Simon,"_ _

__Despite being alone in the room, he rolled his eyes, "I remember you,"_ _

__"Good," Simon sighed with relief, "I hope I'm not bothering you or anything,"_ _

__"Not at all," Kieren smiled. (Omitting the "-Because I was waiting for your call,")._ _

__"You told me to phone, so here I am," he laughed nervously._ _

__"-And I'm glad," Kieren said in a gentle tone._ _

__"So, maybe if you are still up for it, we could meet after you get off work?"_ _

__He had said it shyly but Kieren's eyes still bugged at his to-the-point-ness._ _

__Had Simon just pulled an Amy?_ _

__"Sure, yeah, of course!" Kieren practically beamed at his desk as he swirled around absent-mindedly in his revolving chair._ _

__"Have you any plans?"_ _

__Simon coughed hard as, unbeknown to Kieren, his breath caught in surprise at Kieren actually agreeing._ _

__"Well," he began after he caught his breath, "Maybe we could go for a walk and see what we feel like afterwards?"_ _

__Kieren smiled widely at the timidness of his voice, "I think that sounds lovely,"_ _

__"Great," Simon's tone contained a smile, "So I will meet you outside the gallery?"_ _

__"At six," Kieren clarified._ _

__"Six, got it,"_ _

__"I'll see you then," he said and a excited grin popped onto his face._ _

__When the call had been terminated, Kieren looked around the room with darting eyes._ _

__How on Earth was he going to focus on his work now?_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to hear from you guys!  
> Any thoughts? Tips? Critiques? x
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read it!


	3. Chapter 3

Strolling hastily out of the glass double doors of the gallery, anxiety began to bubble inside of Kieren. He knew they were only going for a walk, but he didn't want to screw this up.

Simon was waiting at the bottom of the steps, bundled in a huge parka against the light snow and general coldness. A small smile danced upon his face as Kieren grew closer, his eyes were practically stars.

"Hi," Kieren said. He waved a little bit and immediately cringed. (Oh God, this is going to go atrociously).

"Hello," Simon seemed to be smirking at the action. "The walk was kind of a bad idea, I guess. In this weather,"

"Nah," Kieren looked ahead at their surroundings as they fell into each other's step, walking side by side and not daring to touch shoulders. "I like the snow,"

Simon was watching him with that look of fascination, "Thought I left the snow behind when I moved here," he mused, "Appears not,"

"Did you move from Ireland?" Kieren turned to glance at him with curious eyes to find Simon already watching him.

"Dublin," Simon smiled wistfully.

Almost completely slipping on a patch of ice, Kieren grabbed Simon's arm and half-yelped. When he regained his balance he removed his hand and cleared his throat.

"Do you ever miss it?" he asked in attempt to ease the embarrassment of almost falling, "Would you go back?"

Simon let out a tiny breath of nervous laughter, "My ma would kill me if I didn't," followed by a tiny proud smile at making Kieren giggle.

"I'll go back for Christmas," he added, "What about you?"

"Hm?" Kieren raised an eyebrow.

"Where are you from?" Simon asked and with the silence that grew over them for a moment, he wondered if maybe he should have just shut up.

"Roarton," Kieren uttered after a moment, "In England,"

Simon nodded and bit his tongue to stop himself from asking any other questions.

"So what is it you do Simon? After all, I know very little about you," he said it lightheartedly but anxiety built a lump in Simon's throat.

Thankfully they had to cross the road which gave Simon a little more time to stall. When they reached the other side of the road, his voice came out reluctant and croaky.

"Well, I sell stuff," he said. Not exactly lying.

"Oh yeah? Like a business person?"

"Something like that,"

If Kieren noticed the pinkish tinge to his cheeks, he didn't say anything.

"What brought you to the gallery?"

"In my free time I write for an art magasine," he said. Which actually was the truth. "It pays very little but I enjoy it,"

"That's pretty cool!" Kieren was genuinely impressed. It made Simon feel all tingly inside.

"Thanks," he muttered shyly. Finally turning away to look at the pavement.

"Wanna grab something to eat?" Kieren suggested as they strolled towards a restraunt; the scent of cooking escaping and making them both feel hungry.

A tiny look of panic popped onto Simon's face, "I didn't bring any money,"

Kieren rolled his eyes, "You spent one-hundred grand on one of my paintings, the least I could do is buy you dinner,"

"I couldn't-" he began, only stopping upon seeing Kieren's pointed expression. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," he droned with a laugh, practically pushing Simon through the doors of the building.

 

Over the next couple of weeks, Kieren quickly grew to be good friends with Simon and it seemed like the crush had been forgotten.

Kieren would never admit it, but part of him was disappointed. So when he, Simon and Amy caught a movie and Simon hesitantly agreed with Amy that the leading actor was attractive, Kieren felt angry at the surge of jealousy that flared up inside of him.

It still seemed that Simon thought he was made of gold or something. He still looked at Kieren as though he was the best thing to ever grace the universe. But he never brought up his feelings again, so Kieren assumed they had changed.

It pissed him off, as he could feel himself slowly falling for Simon. Sometimes it was the way he smiled shyly that made Kieren's heart flutter, and other times it was his lip-biting while reading that sent Kieren all flustered.

It was agonising knowing that while he was gathering these feelings for Simon, the other man was losing any he had for him.

Part of him suggested he should just mention it to Simon, come clean and tell him. Tell him that he liked him.

The other part had the irrational fear that it would get Simon sent away. Far away. So far that Simon couldn't respond to his letters and one day he would come home and Jem would say that he was gone and-

Kieren closed his eyes and inhaled shakily.

Thoughts of Rick never went down well.

"BUZZZ," his doorbell sounded.

His thoughts shifted to something akin to, _"Who the fuck is that, at this time?" ___

__Opening the door, he gasped. Standing in the hallway of his apartment building was Simon._ _

__Looking a mere shadow of his self. Pale, sickly complexion, disheveled clothing, shuddering, erratic breath._ _

__And with a pang in his chest, he noticed tears building in the corners of both of his eyes._ _

__"Can I stay here tonight?" he practically whimpered and instantly Kieren was nodding and tugging him inside._ _

__Simon looked around like he wasn't sure what to do with himself so Kieren pointed towards the sofa and rushed into the kitchen to make tea._ _

__Returning moments later, with two steaming cups, he noticed that the tears protectively housed inside Simon's eyes had found a way out and dribbled down his cheeks._ _

__He looked up as Kieren sat beside him and hastily wiped them away, sniffling._ _

__It was obvious he didn't want to talk about why he was distressed so Kieren didn't ask, instead handing him a cup and placing a hesitant yet comforting hand on his shoulder._ _

__After a moment, Simon's breathing evened out and his eyes were directed at the photograph on the coffee table in front of them._ _

__"Who is that? If you don't mind me asking?"_ _

__Usually Kieren would have closed up. Recoiled into himself like a venomous snake. But watching Simon so distressed, he didn't._ _

__"That's Rick," he said softly, bringing the framed photograph into his lap and tilting it so Simon could see it. "He was my best friend, but he joined the army and died,"_ _

__Simon stiffened with regret. He shouldn't have asked._ _

__"I was convinced I loved him, that I couldn't- couldn't go on without him," he looked down at the photo wistfully._ _

__"When he died, everything turned to shit. Life didn't mean anything anymore,"_ _

__"How did you-" Simon swallowed hard, "-stop feeling that way?"_ _

__Kieren shrugged and looked up to meet his eyes, "I learned to wade through the shit. For my family, for myself and my future. I joined art school and I had to learn how to live without being dependant on someone,"_ _

__Simon seemed entranced by his words._ _

__"I still miss him, sure. It still hurts sometimes," he gently placed the photo back on the table, "But I have to keep going,"_ _

__Courage began to build inside of him as his eyes stayed on Simon's._ _

__"I guess that's why I'm so afraid to tell you,"_ _

__"Tell me what?" Simon seemed a lot closer than before, his breath tickling Kieren's lips._ _

__Kieren inhaled deeply, his hands were trembling but he didn't notice, "That I really like you Simon,"_ _

__A gush of wind shot through Simon's shuddering lungs and another rush of tears trickled from his eyes._ _

__"What?" he whispered hoarsely. Incredulously._ _

__Kieren gripped the back of his coat and pushed their mouths together. Carefully at first, until their mouths were repeating the rhythm like a mantra. Dry chapped lips over gentle damp ones. Tears continued to pour down Simon's face until that was all they could taste. Kieren's face smeared with the tears that he was beginning to think were also his own._ _

__They pulled away for a quick breath and instead of reaching out to touch each other's chest or neck, their hands found the other set and their fingers became entangled._ _

__Flustered and breathless, they leaned their foreheads together and their noses grazed as they stared at each other's eyes._ _

__"Whether you want to believe it or not, Simon," Kieren whispered almost to himself, "I think you are incredible too,"_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love hearing what you lovely people think!
> 
> Con-crit/comments in general mean so much to me! :) x


	4. Chapter 4

When Simon woke, it was with the strange inkling of being trapped in a burrito. He didn't quite understand it, but he couldn't shake it nonetheless.

It was only when he noticed Kieren hovering over the back of the sofa, that things started to add up. He managed to wrangle out of the blankets that may or may not have been suffocating him and he sat up with a sleepy smile directed towards the red-haired man.

"Good morning," Kieren poked him on the shoulder as he strolled into kitchen to switch on the kettle.

"Mornin'" Simon replied in a gravelly voice; the product of the couple of hours sleep. The most he had gotten in weeks, "Thank you for letting me stay the night," he uttered sheepishly.

Kieren leaned on the doorframe of the kitchen and smiled, "Are we going to talk about last night?" he posed with a slight quirk of an eyebrow.

Simon looked up like a deer in headlights, completely startled, he said, "What about last night,"

The pretty brown eyes in Kieren's head seemed to automatically roll, "Not about the kiss, or- or any of that. I mean," he faltered slightly and tore his gaze away, fidgeting with a loose thread on his sleeve, "-About why you came here, why you were so upset,"

Simon looked down at his own hands, hunching his shoulder and swallowing hard; his throat tightening as though someone was squeezing it.

"It was nothing, don't worry about it," he scratched at his palm and tried to focus on the lines running through them.

"It didn't seem like nothing," Kieren remarked as he fixed them both some tea, "You seemed," he paused for a second, "You know, really upset,"

He didn't want to pry, not really. But if there was something wrong, he wanted to know if Simon needed help.

The strange wave of concern sweeped over him and it was, well, it was strange--obviously.

"I don't really want to talk about it," he scratched harder at his palm, so Kieren let it go, "It's nothing to worry about, I promise,"

"What way do you like your eggs?" Kieren called.

Simon blinked, "What?"

The ginger head of Kieren popped back around the doorframe, "Breakfast," he elaborated with a grin, "What way do you like your eggs?"

Simon watched him, crinkled clothing, dark hair that was ruffled and sprawled across his forehead, almost dripping with sweat from the blankets, and he was overcome with a feeling of just not being good enough for this wonderful person.

He knew he was watching Kieren with that expression of pure, unabashed amazement, but he didn't mind.

"I'm not really a breakfast person," his voice was a low rumble, lilting with mirth.

"Bullshit," Kieren said with a trademark roll of his eyes, "You're not leavin' here with an empty stomach," he waved his hand, towards the kitchen.

And Simon got up and followed, a smile creeping across his lips.

 

"No way,"

Simon could hear Kieren chortling from the other room as he slipped into the flat. He had been invited earlier, of course.

Barely dodging the many art supplies chucked left, right and sideways, Simon dropped to his knees and fiddled with the DVD player, subconsciously straining to listen to Kieren's laughter.

"She did what?"

Kieren laughed harder and a smile began to tug at the Irish man's lips. He slipped the movie into the DVD player and stood, quietly walking to the slightly open door of Kieren's bedroom.

His eyes widened at the sight of a dark-haired girl on the laptop screen, laughing along and speaking through the speakers of the device.

Simon moved away, not quite wanting to be spotted by either and suddenly his cheeks were flushed.

(Who was this person?)

He shuffled back to the sofa with less enthusiasm than he had once felt, boredly picking up the remote and fast forwarding through the trailers.

(Could it be possible that she and Kieren were-- involved?)

Simon shook his head. The kiss. The freakin' _kiss _. Kieren had said all those things, those things about liking him. He wouldn't just say all that when he already had a girlfriend, would he?__

__Another burst of muffled laughter sounded from the room and Simon's guts twisted._ _

__He pounced up and paced a little bit, wriggling his fingers around in attempt to ease the panic consuming his mind._ _

__It was a little, comforting gesture that he had always done since he was wee. Never did it occur to him why. It was just one of those things._ _

__(It wasn't as though Simon didn't have any secrets of his own)._ _

__But somehow the idea of Kieren being romantically involved with someone else was a bit different in his mind._ _

__The laptop clicked shut and Simon jumped; flopping down onto the sofa and acting casual. Well at least as 'casual' as Simon could manage._ _

__"That Jem," he rolled his eyes, breathing out a gentle laugh, "Could talk for England, she could,"_ _

__"Oh aye?" Simon raised his eyebrow and tilted his head slightly. He prayed Kieren would catch his subconscious drift._ _

__"Sisters, eh?" he flopped down next to Simon, snatching the remote from his hand and just like that Simon felt like the dumbest person on Earth. (It was his sister!) He could have slapped himself._ _

__"Got any?" Kieren asked casually, seemingly unaware at Simon's sudden blush._ _

__"Nah- No, I haven't," he managed to blurt out after clearing his throat, "Or brothers for that matter,"_ _

__"Me neither," Kieren fiddled with the buttons of the remote, "We probably would'a fought up a storm, anyway,"_ _

__"You?" Simon laughed, "Can't imagine you sayin' boo to goose,"_ _

__Kieren resisted the urge to slap his arm, "I'll have you know me and Jem's fights were nothin' short of legendary,"_ _

__"Oh yeah?" he chortled incredulously._ _

__"She always won, mind you," Kieren added, making Simon laugh a little bit harder._ _

__"Are we watching this or not?" the dark-haired man indicated to the paused screen of the TV with a lopsided grin._ _

__"Yeah, yeah, of course," Kieren straightened himself before pressing into Simon's side, "Sorry that took so long, Skype kept freezin' and-"_ _

__"-It's fine," Simon interupted with a laugh._ _

__"Hm," he mumbled against the other's lips as he caught them with his own._ _

__Simon's eyebrows shot up in surprise, before placing his hand tentatively against the nape of Kieren's neck._ _

__Pushing them both further into the cushions, a peaceful sigh slipped out of Simon's mouth._ _

__Things were going good, for once._ _

__

__"Double date," Amy announced suddenly, slamming her palm against Kieren's desk and scaring the life out of him._ _

__"Jesus Christ, Amy," he breathed, holding his chest and pulling away from his canvas._ _

__Basically ignoring him, she continued, swirling around in circles on her revolving chair, "Me, you, your beau, and my Phil, what d'ya think?"_ _

__"I don't know, I'll have to see if Simon's up for it," he mumbled absent-mindedly._ _

__Amy almost spluttered on her coffee, "Since when did you start checking with Simon?"_ _

__Kieren rolled his eyes, "I wanna see if he's going. I don't sit back while you and Philip eat each other's faces," he snorted._ _

__"You are coming whether Simon is or not," she pointed a threatening finger in his face and he pushed it away with a grin, "It's been practically ages since we've had some BFF time, Kieren Walker,"_ _

__"I know," he admitted, "It's work, you know, it's really taking it out of me,"_ _

__"We are well due a good old shopping spree, especially with Christmas on the near horizon," she leaned over and pinched his cheek._ _

__"So what're you getting me?"_ _

__"My undying love?" Kieren grinned down at his canvas as he resumed painting, "A hug?"_ _

__"I'll keep that in mind when choosing yours," she quipped, rolling her eyes and spinning herself faster on the chair._ _

__"So, double date Saturday night then,"_ _

__"Amy, I'll-"_ _

__"Good, I'm glad that's sorted," she clamped a hand over his mouth, "I'll get Philip to book us a proper fancy table,"_ _

__

__Simon's apartment building was a lot more rundown than Kieren had expected._ _

__After all, the man had paid a extravagant amount of money for one of his paintings, he had half-expected the man to be decently well off._ _

__But instead he was standing at the graffiti-sprawled front doors of the building and he spotted a couple of smashed windows._ _

__Simon had basically refused to let Kieren visit, but the redhead had managed to wrangle his address out of him._ _

__The single light in the first floor hallway flickered, splashing Kieren with light for mere seconds before thrusting him in darkness._ _

__He hurried on his way as distant footsteps pounded the floorboards and slight screams sounded in the air._ _

__Simon had said to wait outside the building for him, but he was half an hour late and Kieren didn't want them to miss their reservation._ _

__He opted for the stairs rather than the lift, (confined spaces plus Kieren were a recipe for trouble) and he stepped around a couple of drunk people, passed out together on the landing._ _

__Finally locating Simon's door, he knocked, scuffing his shoes nervously on the dingy carpet that almost peeled under his shoes._ _

__He hoped Simon wouldn't be too pissed he had turned up uninvited, but in all fairness, Kieren was decently pissed Simon was so damn late._ _

__He got no answer._ _

__"Simon!" he called as he knocked harder, but still there was no movement from the other room._ _

__With a great deal of hesitation, he pushed down on the handle and crept inside._ _

__"Hey, Simon?" he called out to the darkened room, "You here?"_ _

__Slight gasping came from another room, pricking up Kieren's attention._ _

__The gasping was followed by little bursts of muffled sobbing and Kieren panicked. Something was wrong with Simon and he couldn't quite get there fast enough._ _

__"Si?" he shoved open the bathroom door and scrambled for the light._ _

__With the light came the washing away of the blissful oblivion and Simon's broken and beaten body came into view. He had his knees pressed to his chest and his arms hugging them._ _

__"Jesus Christ," Kieren practically blurted out._ _

__Simon looked up, bruised face and blood trickling out of his mouth and noise._ _

__"I didn't want to do it anymore," he whimpered._ _

__Kieren's stomach sunk like a stone in water and he threw himself down to crouch beside Simon, "Do what? What're you talking about?" he said softly._ _

__"I-I told them I couldn't," his eyes were large and wide, darting around the room and Kieren began to wonder if he could even hear him, "I told them I didn't wanna be like that anymore,"_ _

__His breathing shot out of control and his entire body was shaking like a leaf, "Kieren wouldn't want me if he knew," he croaked, almost in a trance, "I had to change,"_ _

__"Are you hurt?" Kieren asked him desperately, trying to check him over. He could deal with the rest later, "Should I phone an ambulance?"_ _

__"I didn't want to betray them like that," he clutched at Kieren's pressed shirt desperately, "They needed me," his sobbing grew harder and his breathing more erratic, "I- I didn't want to-"_ _

__"Shhh," Kieren pulled his head against his chest and ran a hand through his hair as he shook with the crying, "I'm here,"_ _

__"Kieren?" he uttered hoarsely through the tears, and Kieren immediately tilted his chin up to face him, "Yeah, it's me, see," he whispered soothingly and rubbed circles on his back, "It's okay,"_ _

__"I'm sorry for not telling you," he whimpered, "Y-You would never want to date a drug-dealer,"_ _

__Kieren froze as his eyes widened, but as Simon grew more distressed, he had to shove it out of head._ _

__"Sorry," he croaked, over and over again. Repeating the word until his throat was catching and his body was shaking in Kieren's arms._ _

__"It's okay," Kieren grabbed his face and looked into his bloodshot and teary eyes, "It's okay," he repeated, wiping his cheeks._ _

__"Do you hate me?" he managed to stutter through shuddering breaths._ _

__Kieren took his chin in his hand and gently pressed a kiss to the corner of his lips, wary of the slice down the other's mouth, "No,"_ _

__He managed to coax Simon to calm down, grabbing a towel from closet next door and gently mopping away the blood and tears from his face._ _

__"Come on," he soothed as he led Simon to the tiny bed, coaxing him onto the springy mattress and dirty sheets, before covering him with the blanket and sitting on the armchair in the room._ _

__He sighed and switched on the lamp and gentle light illuminated the room, the empty bottles of alcohol coming into view._ _

__He knew Simon had been drinking but seeing the bottles showed him quite how much._ _

__Kieren was angry. Angry at lots of things, but strangely not at Simon. He was furious at the people who had done this to Simon. Whatever kind of gang he had been involved with._ _

__He sank against the chair and watched him. Kieren knew he would stay the night to watch over him. It wasn't exactly how he had planned his evening, but that was just how life was._ _

__He quickly texted Amy that they couldn't attend the double date and almost instantly his phone was ringing. He answered it immediately so as not to wake Simon._ _

__"Where the hell are you two?" she half-yelled into the phone, "Me and Philip are starving here,"_ _

__"Shhh," he hissed into the phone, "I can't come,"_ _

__"-And why not?" she sounded like she was putting her hands on her hips. (God help Philip)_ _

__"Simon's got into a bit of trouble, I can't really talk right now Amy, but I have to stay with him," he whispered back._ _

__"What do you mean? Kieren Walker, please explain at once,"_ _

__"Look Amy, I'll update you tomorrow, I really have to go. You and Philip have a good night, yeah?" he said softly as Simon began to stir._ _

__"Hmm, alright, goodnight," she sounded suspicious but the call ended nonetheless._ _

__Simon groaned and thrashed around a little in his sleep and Kieren was instantly up and by his side, stroking his damp forehead until he stopped._ _

__"You're okay," he said quietly._ _

__

__Morning fell upon them and Simon was rubbing tired eyes, surprised at the pain he felt at the action and slowly the thumping of his headache kicked in. Along with the gradual pain in every other inch of his body._ _

__He almost screamed when he spotted Kieren on the battered old armchair, but he just stared with large eyes instead._ _

__Silently Kieren got up and handed him a glass of water that was sitting on the dresser, along with some painkillers._ _

__Simon blinked in confusion, but took them anyway, gulping down the water to soothe his dry throat._ _

__"How you feeling?" Kieren sat down on the bed so that his back was touching Simon's side. Nothing was making any sense to the dark-haired man but that was okay, because damn, Kieren Walker was sitting on his bed._ _

__"Like shit," he muttered, gaining a slight laugh from the magnificent creature._ _

__"I'm not surprised," he remarked, delicate fingertips drawing patterns on Simon's duvet, "You were pretty beat up,"_ _

__"Come again?" Simon looked genuinely confused._ _

__"Last night, I came around to collect you for our double date with Amy and you were just-- just lying there, all curled up and beaten-"_ _

__And the memories flickered back into Simon's sleep-soaked mind like a remembered dream and with a painful pang of fear, he realised Kieren might know._ _

__Instead of making any demands or asking questions, Kieren simply asked, "Do you want to go to the hospital?"_ _

__Simon's eyes flew open and his mind did a double-take. (Wait, what?)_ _

__"I'm fine," he croaked in a bit of a shocked stupor._ _

__"Police?"_ _

__Simon shook his head certainly this time. (Hell no.)_ _

__It was suddenly dawning on him that maybe, just maybe, Kieren didn't know. Maybe Kieren still had hope for him; for them. That he didn't see him as a criminal, a waster._ _

__"When you told me you sold stuff, I didn't think it was drugs," Kieren said casually, smiling without humour. It was all a facade._ _

__Simon's stomach twisted and curled up like a spring and for a second he feared he would throw up right on top of Kieren._ _

__"I- I didn't want you to-" he stuttered nervously but was then interrupted._ _

__"-No, look, you have stopped haven't you?"_ _

__Simon nodded desperately, like some sort of wild bobble-head, "Yes, yes, I promise!"_ _

__"You have got rid of all of it?"_ _

__"Yes," Simon assured him._ _

__"Okay then," Kieren said softly, as though he was speaking to himself._ _

__"You aren't angry?" Simon had to keep blinking. This surely wasn't real life, was it?_ _

__"If you hadn't have said all that stuff last night, I'd be fuckin' furious," Kieren remarked, "But you were saying about how you just had to stop and-" he stopped, shrugging, "It's okay,"_ _

__Simon stared at him like he had just fallen straight from heaven; wings and all still in tact._ _

__"Thank you," he whispered reverently._ _

__"Go and pack up your stuff," Kieren responded with, meeting his awe-filled gaze with a slight smile._ _

__"What?"_ _

__Kieren rolled his eyes. This man was bloody tedious sometimes. "You're coming to live with me," Kieren said as though-- duh, it was obvious!_ _

__"Can't have you living 'round here, not with that gang after you,"_ _

__Simon's jaw seemed to be metaphorically touching the ground. After not sleeping very much, Kieren didn't think he had the energy to pick it up again._ _

__"That okay with you?" he hopped to his feet and stared down at Simon._ _

__Who in turn scrambled out of bed and seemed on the verge of passing out._ _

__"Are you sure you want me to live with you?"_ _

__"Do you think I'd ask if I wasn't?" Kieren countered._ _

__"I'm not very tidy," Simon uttered._ _

__"You've seen my flat, you'll blend right in,"_ _

__"I can't cook to save my life," Simon informed him in a low tone._ _

__"Do you really think I'm inviting you because I need a cook?"_ _

__Simon seemed stunned._ _

__"You actually want me?" he seemed to omit the '-to move in with you?' and his eyes fixed on Kieren's. Insecurity shone through as bright as bloody headlights._ _

__"Of course I want you Simon," he uttered, trying not to show how much the other man was breaking his heart. He clumsily climbed over to the other side of the bed, where Simon was standing, and wrapped his arms around his waist, hugging him._ _

__"Turns out I've actually grown kind of fond of you," he murmured._ _

__

__Several days later Kieren was making Simon choose a wallpaper design for his guest room in the flat, adament that he needed to choose one so he could make the space his own._ _

__He had already hung the painting of Kieren's he had bought in the little room. Kieren only beginning to come to terms with the fact it was bought with the profits of drug deals and the rest of Simon's inheritance from his grandmother._ _

__He could have shook his head in disbelief. Never in a million years would he have assumed any of the truth about the Simon that day in the gallery. This man with sharp suits and secret love notes, buying expensive artwork and then going home to his dingy flat with a broken window and consulting more illegal deals._ _

__He shook those thoughts away._ _

__At present, he was teasing Simon about his choice in design as they sat together on the sofa, flicking through the catalogue._ _

__"And you think your choice is any better?" Simon laughed, "For an artist you have pretty shitty taste,"_ _

__Kieren's eyes flew open and something warmed in his chest._ _

__(Did Simon just say something less than complimentary?)_ _

__(Was this real life?)_ _

__"Say that again," he breathed._ _

__Simon raised his eyebrows but didn't question him._ _

__"You have pretty shitty taste," he repeated slowly. No doubt utterly confused._ _

__Kieren inhaled deeply and captured his lips in a fierce, passionate kiss, grabbing his face and pushing them into the sofa, the catalogue getting lost somewhere along the way._ _

__Simon couldn't quite register what had just happened as he was a little preoccupied with Kieren's teeth nipping viciously at his lips and attacking his mouth._ _

__What Simon didn't quite understand, was that Kieren viewed it as an almost monumental moment._ _

__It was as though Simon was peeling back those layers of gold and wonder and freakin' unicorn tears that he had been so used to caking Kieren in, that now all he could see was a person._ _

__An actual human._ _

__Not an angel, or a god, or anything like that._ _

__Just a regular person, capable of mistakes, dotted with flaws._ _

__But Simon still liked him._ _

__Not Kieren the wondrous being he had built inside his own head, but the real person._ _

__And the thought of that, for the red-haired man himself, was just utterly exciting._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! 
> 
> I would love to hear you guys thoughts/tips/con-crits, anything! :) x


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